The Crow & The Butterfly
by abworkma
Summary: "I was the last thing you expected to become part of your life." When hard times come around, suddenly the person you never thought you could be is looking back at you from the mirror challenging you to be good enough.
1. Prologue

_Let me just preface this by saying that I know my other story needs wrapped up. I'm sorting through my issues with it to finish it ASAP. But… I've had this little number in mind for quite a while and as it stands my motivation and inspiration are more geared up to deliver this at the moment. Please enjoy and maybe you can forgive me for my delayed update on The Clincher._

_Thanks._

* * *

_Prologue:_

"Ash?" She questioned softly with concern lacing her voice, exiting the front door of the house and squinting her eyes through the darkness of the night in search of her fuming sister who had stormed out in a fury of anger, her boots heavily knocking against the hardwood floors loudly the whole way out.

Their argument had been an awful one this time, not one of the worst, but bad enough to warrant the need for space from the man they called their father.

_Raife Davies_.

A salt of the earth coal miner born from a time when a man's only sense of self-worth came from the job he had and the work he did. All his adult life he'd spent acquiring his calloused hands with their thick pads and rugged fingernails with permanent layers of grime caked beneath them. His slumped shoulders and arched back were merely a result of the pain he'd shouldered daily, shoveling cart loads of coal from the mountains of North Carolina. It was a job he'd grown to resent, such a stark contrast to the joy and happiness he'd felt when he'd received news of the mass recruitment of coal workers in 1983, his father helping him land the job that he just knew would be his ride to success. It became, however, something else entirely when a stick of dynamite blew prematurely, killing his father and trapping several others for days. It had been one of the hardest times in his life to that point, having looked up to his father in the loving way any son does when they have a great one. It had been enough heartache to last two lifetimes. Little did he know then, it would only be the start. The years after had been anything but sympathetic, seeing fit to take his beloved wife from him during a rough labor and leaving him alone to raise twins, two girls who almost immediately became the apples of his eyes. It was only in the last six years that he'd really begun butting heads with the younger of the two.

Though they had always had this strained relationship for whatever reason, it was his old fashioned ideals and opinions that were the main reason for the rift that had formed between him and Ashley as of late. He'd wanted nothing more than for them both to graduate school and get a good job, settle down with a husband and make themselves a home. Though they both rebelled against this in their own ways, it was Ashley who had struck a nerve within him the most. She had dropped out of school, barely completing her GED and decided to entertain her first year of adulthood with parties and numerous women.

Kyla sighed as she thought of how much they were losing by continuously fighting during each and every meeting. It was such a shame that they had lost their mother, but it was even more unfortunate that their father was still here and yet he and Ashley couldn't find it in them to get along. Who knew when the day would come that they wouldn't have the chance anymore?

"Ash? Are you out here still?" She called as she pulled her jacket tightly together in the front, walking around the porch to the side of the house.

It was then that she spotted the lone shadowy figure of her sister leaning against the siding, the only evidence being the cloud of smoke and faint glow of the lit cigarette. Hoping from the porch, she made her way towards her as she smiled softly, remembering the first time they were both caught smoking here. It had been well past midnight and, being fifteen year olds with a rebellious streak, they'd snuck out their window to light up a pack they'd received from an older friend earlier that day.

"_You girl's better pray that I don't find cigarette butts out there… or your asses will be grounded for the rest of the year,_" Kyla mocked in their father's voice as she came to a stop in front of the leaning figure of her sister. Ashley immediately smirked in amusement and stubbed the cigarette out on the ground, leaning back once again. "God, I remember how mad he was," Kyla added before smiling at the memory.

"Yeah," Ashley's husky voice finally made itself known with a chuckle before blowing out a puff of breath. It was late November and the wind this time of year in the hills of North Carolina brought with it a certain chill. "I never thought, out of the two of us, that you'd be the first to quit. You always seemed to get me to follow you into trouble," she finished with a raised eyebrow and a gravelly chuckle.

"Yeah," Kyla smiled fondly at her sister's admission, reminiscing about the times when she would have a _brilliant_ idea and coax little Ashley into joining her with it, and being the younger one by a whole four and a half minutes Ashley gladly obliged. "You know he doesn't hate you Ash. He just… doesn't understand you. That's all." Her voice confessed softly as she leaned against the old farm house beside her sister.

Though it was a farm house, Kyla could never remember ever growing or farming anything; she surmised it had been a dream of their mother's to raise a family here, a dream that her father could never bring himself to let go of.

"That's funny because you and I are _both_ gay… we go to the same parties… You may have graduated without me, but we've been in trouble together countless times… If he doesn't hate me, then why is it always _my_ face that shit gets thrown in?" Ashley released angrily before fingering her half smoked pack, ripping open the top and fishing out another. Her lanky fingers grasped her lighter in one hand while shielding the flame with the other as the stick was lit ablaze.

"He's just stressed out right now," Kyla replied as she kicked a rock with the toe of her shoe, knowing that their father had always had a hard time with Ashley because of how she came into this world. It was during her birth that complications arose, but she herself would never ever blame her dear sister for an act of God. It was also something that Ashley was completely unaware of; Kyla had only accidently found out. "I finally told him last week."

"I take it he didn't like the idea?" Ashley questioned with a sarcastic chuckle before inhaling another drag, the tip of the cigarette lighting up momentarily as the smoke filled her lungs. Such an unhealthy habit, but she promised herself that she would stop one day.

"No, actually…" she paused, knowing that this would hurt her sister a bit even though she'd never let on. "He's quite proud of me."

"You always were his favorite…" she replied genuinely, not meaning to sound bitter and continuing before Kyla could protest. "It's okay Ky, you deserve to have him proud of you. _I'm_ proud of you. You're doing something I would never have the balls to do."

Smirking, Kyla wasted no time in suggesting, "You know, they have a buddy system…"

Ashley's eyebrows rose in disinterest before replying with sarcasm, "As much as I would _love_ to join you, someone has to stick around here so Dad has a punching bag." Her eyes rolled in irritation, knowing that the disabled man would be completely lost if they both left to fight a war.

"No you don't," Kyla said solemnly before rubbing Ashley's arm comfortingly. She could almost feel how much her impending departure was affecting her usually stoic and hard-ass of a sister. "You don't have to stay here Ash. He'll manage on his own."

"Nah, I know… Besides, I have a few gigs lined up," she dismissed, quickly excusing her real reasons before inhaling her last bit of nicotine and flicking the bud across the lawn. "I'm hoping it works out you know?"

"I'm sure it will," Kyla offered as she grabbed for Ashley's pack, knowing her sister would only light up another one in a minute or so. She was getting a head start so that she could join her sister for one last smoke before she left in the morning for basic training. "You have no idea how talented you are, Ash."

Ashley smiled a small faint smile as she handed over the lighter, watching in amusement as her sister had trouble lighting up the first one she'd touched since they were sixteen, trying multiple times to flick the lighter without success. "Here, let me." And with that, she ignited the tip of Kyla's goodbye cigarette.

For a moment they stood side by side leaning against the only house they'd ever lived in with its jagged almond-colored siding and rotted porch swing, relishing in the last moments of their time together for a long while. It had always been an easy relationship between them, never really having those sibling fights or rivalries. Instead, they'd stuck up for one another, never letting the other feel alone or sad for too long.

Throughout school Kyla had been the popular one, the captain of the soccer team, while her twin was the black sheep, the social outcast with tattoos and piercings. However, they neither one regarded each other as anything other than a best friend. It was this special bond that always had Kyla interjecting when a disagreement or fight would erupt between the two hard headed people in her family, always standing up for Ashley whatever the case might have been. She knew her father's blame was needed; their mother and the love of his life had been taken from him, and she surmised that it had and would still hurt an awful lot. But his blame was just misplaced and she would always fight like hell to keep her sister from bearing the brunt of it, even if she failed from time to time.

"Are you scared?" Ashley's soft voice cut through the silence as she fished the last of her smokes from her pack, lighting it immediately, the smoke joining that of her sister's.

"I feel like I should be, but I'm not," she answered with honesty as she took a burning drag once more, her lungs not as used to the sensation as they once were. "I guess I'm just excited for this adventure, you know? I mean, our whole lives we've just been stuck in this little town and I guess I'm just ready for a change."

Ashley nodded before shyly admitting almost under her breath as her eyes glanced downward, "I would be scared."

"Ash, you're a lot braver than you give yourself credit for," she argued as she stubbed out her half-smoked cigarette, unable to actually finish it completely. "I mean, look, you're putting yourself _and_ your songs out there. I know how personal they are and how much they mean to you. That takes guts if you ask me."

"Huh, I don't have a choice," she huffed as her smoke blew out in a cloud in front of her, reflecting the light from the moon. "It's the only thing I've ever been even halfway decent at."

"That's a lie," Kyla rebutted before adding with a smirk. "I've always found you to be quite good at being my sister." Her smile nearly reached her ears.

"Please Kyla," Ashley argued as she lifted her cigarette to her lips, scoffing at the idea. "Our whole lives you've always been there protecting _me_. I've never done anything in return."

Shaking her head profusely as if she were debating that of the utmost importance, Kyla offered with a firm voice, "That's not true and you know it. When that gross Bobby McKey wanted to force his way with me onto the dance floor during our junior high winter dance, who kneed him in the balls?"

Ashley only rolled her eyes before reluctantly answering through a knowing smile, "Me."

"And when Dad found his missing stack of _Playboys_ in our room after weeks of searching for them, who took the blame?"

"Me," she replied again and quickly adding before Kyla could continue, her finger pointed for emphasis, "BUT only because he _assumed_ it was me. I just didn't argue. Nothing noble about keeping your mouth shut."

"Whatever," she said as her mind came up with all sorts of instances in which Ashley had very much been there for her. "Who was it that woke up in the middle of the night and rode her bike all of the way to Johnson's curve to help me get Dad's truck out of the mud after I snuck out and stole the keys?"

"I should have just gone with you to begin with," Ashley shook her head at the memory as she stubbed her last butt out against the bottom of her boot. "He would have killed you had we not been able to get it out. Good thing he was passed out drunk…"

"You even helped me wash the mud off so that he would never know," she added to further her point as Ashley's head was still shaking, laughter beginning to accompany it.

"And all for Sherrie Baker…"

"Whatever Ash, you know you would have nailed her if you could have," Kyla stated with conviction, her finger pointed right into Ashley's shoulder. "You only didn't go that night because you were jealous."

"I _so_ was not jealous," she argued with raised eyebrows. "Besides, the real reason I didn't go was because…"

"You were mad I got her first…"

"NO… I didn't go because… because I was with _Jessica_ Baker in our tree house…" Ashley trailed off with a knowing smirk moments before Kyla's fist collided with her shoulder, a scoff leaving her sister's lips. "Wasn't she the hotter one?" She asked with a sarcastic finger to her chin in contemplation as she remained unfazed by the hit, her lips curling upward in pride. "Hmm… I believe so… and a college girl."

"SHUT UP!" Kyla finally managed to squeal out. "You did not!"

"Call her up and ask her…" Ashley shrugged with quiet confidence, knowing her sister would never have the balls to do so. "I wouldn't lie to you. I just never told you 'cause I didn't want _you_ to feel bad."

"Whatever," she replied with a shake of her head. "My point is that you've always been there for me in your own way, whether you think so or not."

"It's because you're all I have Ky," she said softly without question, sincerity shining distinctly in her chocolate orbs. "Yeah, there's Dad… but we both know how he feels about me." Her gaze then met her feet as she wondered what she could have done that caused him to despise her so much lately.

"He's just dealing in his own way Ash," she offered as she looked out over the dark expanse of their property, illuminated solely by the moonlight. "He feels like he's losing me and he's scared of you leaving too. He's only trying to push you away to make it easier."

"I don't think that's it, but thanks for trying," she said bluntly and Kyla smiled.

"You still gonna drive me tomorrow?"

"Do I have a choice?" Ashley asked with a raised eyebrow. "Can't I just lock you in the closet until you're too old to join?"

Kyla's laughter broke out uncontained as she made note of the less than subtle reference to the time when she had locked Ashley in the closet when they were fourteen to keep her from sneaking out for her first date with a girl, threatening much the same. Though it's quite amusing to think back on now, it was a very scary time for her to feel like Ashley was slipping away.

"Oh Ash," she chided with a smile, her head shaking in amusement. "You act like I'm never coming back. In three months is my graduation and I'll be back for a short while before deployment. We'll have a blast then. You can tell me about all of the girls you've… _courted_… and I'll tell you about all of the asses I've kicked. It'll be great!"

"Just do one thing for me Ky," Ashley requested without elaboration.

"Yeah?"

"If you have a sexy drill sergeant," she continued as Kyla rolled her eyes, knowing where this was headed. "Don't play it safe."

"I'll try not to," she sarcastically answered with a chuckle as they once again fell into a comfortable silence. "You know what's funny?" she asked after several minutes of staring across the lawn, Ashley's gaze meeting the side of her face in anticipation. "It seems like only yesterday we were fourteen and sneaking up to the tree house to drink Dad's beers and now here we are, nineteen and I'm joining the army and you're playing your music… It just all goes by so fast doesn't it, Ash?"

"I'm gonna miss you," Kyla heard her sister whisper through a reluctant sniffle. "I don't know what I'm gonna do here without you around to bail me out of trouble." They both laughed heartily at her statement before finding themselves in a tight, loving embrace.

"Oh, Ashy," Kyla replied through her own tears, stroking her sisters hair and using a nickname she hadn't said aloud in at least three years or so. "You'll be okay. You're stronger than you know."

"What if I'm not?" Ashley's unsure voice uttered as they pulled out of their embrace, each of them wiping their eyes in a failed attempt at keeping their composure.

"Then I'll come back and go all commando on your ass and whip you into shape," she answered with a welcome joke that had both sisters laughing with much needed lightheartedness.

"That'll be the day," Ashley rolled her eyes in question of her sister's ability to in fact beat her at anything physical.

* * *

The following morning saw Ashley driving her sister over two hours to the airport where she checked in with her recruitment officer, followed by the two of them walking to the waiting area outside of the terminal. It wasn't too long after that boarding began and the sisters bid an emotional farewell and Ashley stuck around to see the plane take off with her sister and best friend aboard and heading in the opposite direction of where she was at that moment. It almost became too much to bear as the weight of her sudden loneliness crashed down upon her and she found herself on her knees with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Never in her life had she thought it would be this hard to watch her sister leave. Suddenly, their entire childhood flashed before her eyes, all of the times they'd been in trouble, all of the fun they'd had together, and all of the times they cried on each other's shoulders played at the speed of light through her mind and it left her feeling completely and utterly miserable. All her life, Kyla had been there for her, making her laugh and feel loved. She was the only one who ever did so; certainly their father wasn't about to. Kyla had been her rock, the one person she could turn to and know that everything would be okay; the one person who kept her from trouble. Now, however, she would be left alone to her own devices.


	2. Chapter 1: Wake Up Call

Chapter One:

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

She groggily stirred from her sleep, squinting through her heavy lids and glancing at the alarm clock in annoyance to see just what ungodly hour it was for her phone to be uncharacteristically ringing. Its red letters blared into her vision, almost blinding her momentarily before she reached across the expanse of her bed and retrieved her phone from the night stand next to her clock.

1:47 AM

It was entirely too late for anyone with half a mind to be calling her and she wanted nothing more than to give the caller a piece of hers, seeing as she had to be at work the next morning. Sighing, she reluctantly pressed the call button and quickly swallowed her anger before answering in a falsely cheerful voice, "Hello?"

"Mrs. Davies?" The person on the other end replied, a woman whom she immediately recognized as the friendly woman, Kat, from the dive bar on the other side of town. However, as good as it always was to hear her well-mannered voice, she slung her head in frustration as she knew what this call was going to be about.

"What did she do now?" She knowingly asked, cutting straight to the point. Standing from her bed, she reached over and flicked the light switch, illuminating the room in a soft, warm glow as she made her way to retrieve her pants from the floor, pulling them up and over her hips as she waited for the answer she knew would come.

"I cut her off like thirty minutes ago, but she's since got herself into a bit of a brawl," Kat replied with a bit of sympathy. "Mikey and Will have her handcuffed to a chair in the back room. She's pretty banged up."

"Ash…" she groaned out with a scrunched brow and tightly closed eyes, knowing just how bad this could've been for her. She brought her hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose in exhaustion, unsure of whether she was ready to deal with such a situation.

"Don't worry though," Kat offered before continuing. "I kept them from calling the cops and besides it was the other guys that started it this time."

"Guys?" She asked in shock, before traipsing through the house to retrieve her keys and jacket from the living room. "You mean there was more than one?"

"Yeah… she held her own for a while too… before taking a bottle to the head," she said with a bit of a grimace at the thought of how much it must've hurt. "She'll probably need a good stitching up…"

"Oooff," she winced as she brought her hand to her head, running out of her front door, across the lawn and towards the neighbor's front porch. "I'll be right there. Thanks Kat."

"No problem," she replied with sincerity and a smile. "But you better get here fast before those guys come back. I can't say I'll be inclined to hold her off them again. _Bastards_."

"Alright," she said with a chuckle, her lips curling up into a smile as her hand rose to knock before hanging up the call.

It only took her three attempts before the door gave way to an older couple standing on the other side. A woman with short gray curls was clutching her robe tightly to her chest to ward off the threat of the cool wind while a tall lanky man with a mustache and glasses perched on his nose held onto the knob; Mr. and Mrs. Lindquist, the kindest neighbors she could've ever asked for.

"Why Dear," the missus asked as she joined her on the front porch. "What are you doing outside at this hour?"

"I really hate to bother you both so late but," she wasted no time in apologizing before continuing with the reason she had awakened them in the first place. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sitting at my house for a few minutes. I need to make a run across town."

"To pick up that no good Ashley I bet…" The man said with a disapproving nod, pushing his oversized glasses further up his nose. "Surely she can't afford to be causing any more trouble. Why, the last time she was at your house at this time of night…"

"Wilfred, that's enough," his wife interrupted with a light slap to the shoulder, in turn causing him to shrug and retreat back inside. "I wouldn't mind at all dear." You could hear the kindness lacing each and every syllable as she smiled in genuine concern. "Let me just grab my shoes."

"Thank you so much Nanette," she graciously replied before handing over her spare house key. "I would walk you in, but I really need to go."

"Think nothing of it dear," she insisted as she pulled the front door shut and they both walked towards the drive that separated their two properties. "Besides, that's what a good neighbor is for."

"Aw, well you're both the best I could have asked for," she stated as she climbed into the driver's seat of her car, starting the engine immediately. "Thanks again," she said once more as she pulled her door shut and Nanette just smiled in return, waving as she entered the house.

* * *

Twenty Minutes later saw her entering the local dive bar, known as the Foxy Den that staked its claim on the edge of town right off the only major highway within fifty miles. As she walked through the double saloon style doors, heads turned in her direction and she continued on without making any sort of eye contact. It was no telling what kind of frequenters this place saw at this hour and she rolled her eyes as she thought of Ashley as being one of them. When was she ever going to grow up? Tucking her hair behind her ears, she ventured further towards the area of the bar where she saw a figure hunched over behind it, presumably grabbing something from the lower shelf.

Sighing, she stood in front and waited for the tender to stand back upright before slightly yelling over the music emanating from the speakers, "I'm here; so where's she at?"

"Oh, hey there," Kat greeted in an abnormally cheerful tone. She surmised that it was the only thing keeping her sane as she refilled the drinks of the local men who came in here looking for _that_ kind of a good time. It must get old for her to be repeatedly hit on and propositioned. "Follow me. She's in the back."

"Thanks," she replied with forced appreciation as she would much rather be at home and lost in her dreams.

Kat led her through another set of double doors, but in this case they reached their way down to the floor, sweeping the rug as they pivoted on their hinges. After walking through what seemed like the narrowest hallway she'd ever been in, one that might've even been unlevel, they came to stand just outside a door labeled _Employees Only_. With a swish of the contents in the pocket of her jeans, Kat pulled a bundle of keys out and proceeded to fish through them for the one to the room that housed the reason for tonight's disturbance. With a turn of her wrist, the door popped open and they entered slowly, Kat looking toward Mikey while she prepared herself for the sight of Ashley handcuffed to a chair.

"It's about time someone showed up to get her," Mikey said in a joking manner. "I was half tempted to cut her loose again. Maybe she could help me chase out those good for nothing thugs that keep steeling all the cue balls."

She could only smile a soft one in gratitude as she glanced down to the hunched figure leaning forward with her brown curls in complete disarray, her left had cuffed to the crossbar of the chair between her own two feet. It didn't look very comfortable and she wondered just how long a person could stay like that. She could hear her slow, heavy breathing as she was probably attempting to keep her liquor down, her head hanging forward and bloody drool spilling from the side of her mouth into the floor. Her eyes traveled down the heavily tattooed sinewy arm until they reached a rather raw wrist, bound by the metal that contained her.

"You can let her go now guys," she said in a stern voice as Ashley's head suddenly glanced up, realization finally dawning that she had more company. "Hey Ash…" She could see the blood that was beginning to dry itself to the side of her face, accompanied by a bloodied nose and what would probably be a black eye tomorrow. "Or should I say Rocky?"

"Spencerrr…" she slurred through a half dazed smile as she stared up into disappointed eyes. She could tell through her drunkenness that the woman was neither pleased nor at the very least alright with her current state. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh gee Ash," she said with harsh tones. "Let me think for a minute…" She then proceeded to touch her finger to her chin. "Ummm… I certainly didn't come for the men or the food. What the hell went through your mind? Did you have a death wish?"

"They shouldn't have called you," she regrettably said, sobering up quite quickly now that she had someone she cared for looking and speaking with that tone of voice.

"No," she momentarily agreed with a shake of her head. "They shouldn't have had a reason to."

"I'm really sorry." Her hand was then released from its shackle as she brought it up to lightly rub with her other.

"Look," she shook her head as her eyes closed and she forced herself to remain calm. "I'm here now and you're obviously in no shape to drive your bike home… So, let's go. I left the girls with the neighbor lady."

Upon hearing just how much of a burden she'd become, Ashley fought the distinct pounding in her head to get her legs to function properly, slowly propelling herself to a standing position as they wobbled a bit in return. She swallowed the taste of blood in her mouth as she brought her hands up to run slender fingers through her hair, knowing just how dumb she'd been to fight back. Her eyes blinked a few times in pain before closing entirely to block out the swirling images around her which had only served to further her headache. Her legs then began to give a bit as her body swayed to maintain its balance. Just as she was about to fall back into the chair, an arm jutted out to grab hold of her shoulder and steady her on her feet.

"My head feels like it was hit by a cement mixer…"

"I'm sure," Spencer replied with a faint smile. She felt bad of course, but she couldn't help but feel like it was all deserved. You make dumb decisions, you should bear the consequences. "It doesn't look so good either." Turning to their audience of three, she then stated, "It's okay guys, I can take it from here. Thanks again for your help."

Kat winked in acknowledgement before ushering her bouncers from the room.

"Let's get you to the sink over there," Spencer said with concern, her voice taking on its instinctive motherly tone. "We need to rinse out your cuts and see that there's no glass in it." Though she was only a CNA by this point in her training, she knew well enough what to do in situations like that and cleansing the wound was first on the checklist. "Besides, I'm sure the cold water will sober you up a bit."

Ashley allowed herself to be pulled blindly from her spot in the middle of the break room to the small bathroom that sat adjacent to it. In no time at all, soft hands pulled her hair from her face and guided her head down to reach the water she could hear loudly spilling from the faucet. A low hiss left her lips as the icy cool water trickled its way into the various gashes on the side of her face, the blood slowly dissolving and fading from her skin.

"Hmm, you're quite lucky," Spencer said in genuine observation as her eyes surveyed the tattered skin. "The bottle only managed to cut you in a few small places. I doubt stitches are even necessary."

"Can we please not tell Kyla about this?" Ashley's gruff voice pleaded as her hands rubbed through her hair, soaking it in the cold water and relishing in the waning of her headache. It was truly helping and she was glad of it. "She'll be so pissed that you were dragged out here in the middle of the night to clean up my mess again."

Ignoring the request, Spencer's face scrunched in confusion before she asked, "Why didn't they call Jessica to come get you?"

"That's kind of why I'm here," she replied flatly as her pale boney hand reached up to turn the cold knob back into the off position, thin fingers with a letter tattooed on each above the largest knuckles spelling out _Live _on one hand and _Fast_ on the other. Spencer could only shake her head as she thought of how Ashley was bearing the consequences of such a lifestyle. "She kicked me out earlier today. I guess you could say that I came here looking to get my ass kicked." She sat back on the toilet as Spencer handed her a towel, drying her face and streaking her curly locks back. "I wait four fucking years for her and I managed to screw it up in barely three weeks."

As the towel was dropped from her face, Spencer noticed just how awful the woman before her looked with her baggy eyes, one with a bruise forming over it, and her sunken cheeks, probably the result of a beer and cigarette diet… and possibly other substances as well. Kyla had warned her of Ashley's certain fondness for anything that could take her mind off of life. She surmised that it must be nice to forget for a while until you've sobered up to the point of looking like death. The whole left side of her face jutted out in a puffy, discolored mess of cuts as opposed to the right which she must've shielded during the fight.

"You almost look like Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever… It doesn't suit you," she gave a lame attempt at humor, knowing that neither of them would laugh very much in that moment. "Why do you do this to yourself? You're lucky they didn't call Sherriff Langley this time. Your parole officer would've surely heard about it then… and you would've ended up right back in jail. Is that what you want? You've barely been out a month."

"Would it even matter?"

"Of course it matters!" She tried ardently to maintain her cool and not raise her voice in that moment as Ashley sat unmoving in front of her, engaged in another self-pity party. "Look, Kyla cannot keep bailing you out forever and I cannot keep getting up in the middle of the night to come pick you up at bars. Something's gotta give Ash! I get that you feel like you're alone since Kyla left again and since falling out with your Dad, but you do have people that care about you and you keep throwing it right back in our faces." She was trying with all of her might to keep from blowing a gasket at Ashley, as Kyla would be completely upset if that were to happen, but it was as though Ashley was intentionally trying to burn all of her bridges.

Standing up with a sigh and exponentially more sober now due to the rude awakening, Ashley made her way around Spencer as she softly ignored the previous statement, muttering instead, "We better go. You need to get home to the girls."

"And where do you plan to go?" She asked with an air of skepticism. Surely Ashley didn't expect her to just let her waltz on out of the bar, grab her bike and leave. Kyla would be heartbroken if something happened to her sister.

"Well… Josie's working tonight at the inn down the street. She might sneak me into a room for the night," Ashley replied hoarsely as she grabbed her leather jacket from the table of which Mikey had tossed it onto. She hastily flung it around her shoulders, covering her tattoo-sleeved arms, leaving only traces of ink showing around her wrists, hands, and on the sides of her neck.

Spencer mentally rolled her eyes at the thought of Ashley spending thousands on them but not having enough money to actually rent the room, which in a small town such as theirs only rented for twenty-seven a night. She then guessed that she must have done favors for them, quickly shaking her head and extinguishing her mind of the possibilities.

"You can stay with us tonight," Spencer offered as they made their way out of the room and down the hallway, Ashley's boots thumping the whole way. She barely had time to let her eyes travel up from them to the ripped up pockets, a chain hanging from one side, before Ashley spoke again.

Glancing up from her work at the head of the bar, Kat watched as the two women made their way to the front door, offering only a small smile at Spencer's mouthed 'Thank you.'

"I don't think Kyla would like that very much," Ashley objected before adding with a sullen expression as they exited, making it a point to open and hold the door for Spencer. "I know she loves me, but I don't think she'd want me around the girls like that."

"Kyla's not home right now and I'm only offering one night. Besides, as long as your gone before the girls wake up, no harm no foul," she maintained her stance as they reached her car, watching as Ashley glanced over towards her bike. "You can get it in the morning, Ash. Kyla would kill me if I let you drive it right now."

Nodding reluctantly, Ashley relented and joined Spencer inside the hatchback, sighing and glancing out the side window as they pulled away from the dive.

* * *

"So how long will she be gone this time?" Ashley asked as she quietly closed the front door behind Mrs. Lindquist. Though she had received a less than pleasing look from the older woman, she had just shrugged it off.

"I'm hoping it's only for the six months they initially said," Spencer answered as she flipped on the light beside the couch, turning around for a moment before crossing the room towards the hallway closet that housed the bedding she would need to get Ashley set up in the living room with. "But who knows? Last time it was four months longer than what they had said."

"Is it hard?" Ashley randomly asked in a husky voice barely above a whisper as she watched with rapt attention as Spencer made up a place for her on the couch, smoothing and tucking the cool green sheets before fluffing two pillows.

"Is what hard?" Spencer asked in confusion, not bothering to turn away from her task at hand.

"Being away from your wife for so long?" She clarified as she stripped her feet of her scuffed black boots, stretching and cracking her toes once they were freed.

Ashley watched as Spencer momentarily glanced down to her hands, twirling the rings on her finger, her two plus Kyla's band. She always kept it safely there every time Kyla was away on active duty. Shrugging herself of her faraway thoughts, Spencer then returned to work on fixing up a place for her sister-in-law to sleep.

"It used to be very hard," she answered as she turned and sat down on the newly dressed couch, signaling for Ashley to join her. "I used to cry a lot once she would leave, knowing it would be months before I'd see her again, but then it got easier as time went on, and especially after the girls came into the picture. I suddenly had somewhere else to focus my attention."

It was such a foreign concept for Ashley to wrap her mind around, the idea of being in love and longing for that person while they were away. She had never quite believed in such a thing, but she guessed it was because she had yet to be lucky enough to experience it, true love. She guessed when she did, it would consume her and she would become a better person for it. Yes, she had loved Jessica Baker for a long time; it had hurt her enough when it ended for her to do what she had done that night, but she figured that if it was so easy for her to throw it all away then it must not have been the real deal to begin with.

"I thought you had to be at work early?" Ashley questioned as she sat down, wondering why Spencer was seemingly okay with staying up for a chat.

"I'll call in," Spencer simply shrugged with her answer. "You look like you could use some pancakes anyway."

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind," she said sincerely with a small smile. "Besides I don't think either of us is ready to turn in." She then looked away with a fraction of a frown on her lips, her mind running with thoughts of her big lonely house, save for three small beings. It was, however, the lack of adults that made her so willing to stay up with Ashley for even just the fewest of minutes for an adult conversation.

"Thanks, you know, for tonight," Ashley managed to force out shyly as she nervously played with her tongue ring. Being grateful and voicing it had to be one of her biggest weaknesses; that and her fondness for getting into trouble. Not that she _really_ enjoyed that; it just always seemed to follow her around. "I always end up doing something stupid whenever Jes and I have a fight."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Spencer asked hesitantly, unsure if Ashley was the opening up type. She'd never really spent any alone time, such as this, with her to know for sure.

"Nah, you know what…" Ashley shook her head as she closed her eyes in an attempt to just forget the night altogether. "I think that was our last one. She threw all of my clothes out into the lawn and then locked me out. Luckily for me it was only like two outfits, so it all fit in my saddlebags... Thanks for letting me stay tonight."

"Don't mention it," she replied with a stern shake of her head.

"But don't worry Spencer; I'll be gone before they wake up."

"I was serious about the pancakes," Spencer nudged her shoulder before continuing. "Besides I don't think that seeing their Aunt Ashley would be the worst thing that could happen to them."

"Nah, then you would just have to explain to them who I am and that would just be awkward," Ashley protested with a shaking head as she thought of how much she had lost and missed out on during her four year stay in the women's correctional facility. She'd completely missed the birth of the youngest one, but that didn't stop her from hanging onto the pictures that Kyla had given her while she was locked away in there. Two photos now stayed in her wallet actually and she didn't miss a day without glancing at them in adoration.

"They know who you are Ashley," Spencer smirked in amusement. "Kyla's told them plenty about you… the good parts at least. Not so much the part about you holding up a convenient store with a realistic looking water gun."

"Yeah, that was stupid…" she chastised herself in almost a whisper, more for her own benefit than Spencer's, as she glanced down at her hands in embarrassment, noticing the bruises forming along her knuckles.

"At least you recognize that now," Spencer offered as she saw what Ashley had noticed, not having seen them before now. Her hands were bruising at the knuckles from all of the punches she had surely thrown earlier that night. "I better get you some ice for that."

"Nah, don't worry about it," she said as she caught Spencer's arm, preventing her from moving towards the kitchen. "It's nothing they haven't been through before."

"Well, let me at least feel them to make sure nothing's broken," she said in a motherly tone as she grabbed Ashley's hand that had momentarily rested on her arm, moving her fingertips lightly across each knuckle, almost massaging the boney hand as she went.

Ashley watched with a hesitant breath as Spencer's fingers glided across her skin, becoming increasingly uncomfortable… or perhaps too comfortable. She wasted no time in pulling her hand away and standing to her feet.

"Uhh… we should probably get some sleep now," she said while avoiding eye contact. "It's almost 3:30 in the morning.

"You're right," Spencer said as a yawn escaped her and she stood as well, making her way for the stairs. "If you need anything, feel free to make yourself at home."

"Thanks," she said with a small closed mouth smile as she watched Spencer retreat up the stairs, thinking to herself how Kyla had gotten it right the first time, and here she was, still making stupid mistakes. How had their lives ended up so very differently when they had started out exactly the same?

* * *

"Is she dead?" A tiny voice whispered as eyes widened.

"Looks like it…"Another, similar voice replied with a conclusive tone.

"Maybe you should poke her and see," the first voice suggested with borderline excitement. It wasn't often they had company, and surely never company with strange pictures all over their skin.

"I'm not poking her. Are you crazy?" The seemingly wiser one almost shrieked in anxiety before backing away momentarily, fearful of the stranger.

"Well how else will we know if she's dead or not?" A valid question if she'd ever asked one before in her young life.

"Uhh… maybe if we just check her eyes…" Her sister replied before bringing a small shaky hand up to nervously lift a darkened, cold eyelid.

Ashley had awakened moments before to hear their entire exchange and was at a loss of how to handle the situation exactly, deciding to just feign sleep and pray they just left. It wasn't every day that children were in her presence and she was a rookie at interacting with them to say the least. Instead, she remained unmoving as her eyelid was hesitantly raised, forcing her blurry vision to make out two small blonde haired figures hunching over her curiously. Slowly, she rolled her exposed eyeball around to focus in on the one presently frozen in fear as the tiny hand remained on her eyelid.

"Boo," her deep, husky voice said calmly.

A shriek was echoed throughout the room as the hand immediately retreated and the twin girls took off running in the opposite direction, squealing in amusement and reminding Ashley of herself and Kyla when they were that age, always curiously looking for an adventure. It brought a small smile to her face as she slowly adjusted herself into a sitting position on the couch, yawning and stretching herself awake. The pounding in her head immediately washed over her and she brought her hand up to rub at her temple, wincing when it connected with the swollen bruise outlining her left eye. She then remembered the events of last night and where she was exactly, her heart pounding in stark realization. Those were her nieces and she was in her sister's house.

"Shit," she muttered quietly before scrambling to pull her boots on and adjusting the nest that had become of her curly hair, needing to make herself a bit more presentable in the clear light of day before she made a lame excuse to leave.

"Girls, you better not be bothering Aunt Ashley just yet," she heard Spencer's voice ring out from the direction of the kitchen, suddenly noticing the scent of blueberry pancakes wafting through the air. "She probably doesn't feel too good."

"I know Mommy," one of them replied before continuing enthusiastically. "We checked her eye and it looked at us!"

"Yeah," the other one added. "She said 'Boo'… that's why we ran back in here!"

"But she is alive, so we won't need to dig a hole in the yard," the former maintained before Ashley noticed them both slowly peeking around the corner to look at her from their position in the hallway, trying their best to remain inconspicuous.

"You girls are something else," Spencer laughed amusedly with a shake of her head as she flipped the pancake in the pan. "Ashley? Are you okay in there?"

"That would be a big hole too, a lot bigger than Sheldon's," the slightly shorter one said to the other as they both smiled goofily before walking towards Ashley, who was still seated on the couch, momentarily frozen in awkwardness.

"Uhh… yeah, I… I'm fine… Head hurts a bit though," she answered loud enough for Spencer to hear from in the kitchen as the girls came to stand in front of her.

"Just how big are you anyways?" The taller one questioned with squinted eyes, much in the manner of an interrogation, her hands perched menacingly on her hips.

"Big enough," Ashley replied stoically, arching her brow as the other bravely lifted her large right hand in two tiny ones. "Who's Sheldon?"

"Mama's dog that got hit by a car," she answered somberly as the shorter one looked over Ashley's arm in fascination, turning it around to see the inside as well as her eyes raked over the images of waves and words of her lower sleeve. Ashley almost felt like Gulliver. "She doesn't know yet. It only happened last week."

"What are all of these on your arms?" The fascinated one asked curiously as Ashley allowed her to examine them with close consideration.

"My artwork," she again answered with an even expression before allowing a hint of a smile to grace her lips. This was quite possibly the first time she had ever touched one of her nieces and it was sending warm fuzzy tingles up her arm and igniting every nerve. "So what are your names?" It wasn't like she didn't already know the twins' names; she just didn't know which was which.

"I'm Avery," the taller and tomboyish one said before proudly stating, "And I'm three minutes and twelve seconds older."

"And I'm Allie," the more innocent looking of the two answered before clarifying, "But my whole name is Allison Jean Davies."

"Jean huh?" Ashley felt her heart flutter as she heard of this, her voice cutting out. "That's my middle name too."

"I know," she said confidently. "Mama says I'm named after you."

"I didn't know that…" She said softly as she glanced down at their still conjoined hands, completely at a loss for words to describe the feelings she was currently having. Someone had found her worthy of naming a child after… That was possibly the most profound experience of her life up to that point.

"What happened to your face?" Allie asked in a tiny shy voice, unsure of what to think of this person called her aunt.

"I got in a fight," Ashley replied in an unimpressed way before remembering who she was talking to and adding, "Uhh… not that you should get in fights or anything…"

"So why did you never come to see us before?" Avery's scrunched brows let on to the skepticism she was harboring for this supposed aunt of hers.

"Uh… I've been away…"

"Okay, I think that's enough questions for Ashley today," Spencer's welcomed interruption came, saving Ashley from what would surely have been a stuttering slew of unintelligible words that would have been her desperate attempt at excusing her absence in their lives throughout the last five or so years. "Why don't the two of you go in and sit at the table and wait for Mommy to get your pancakes ready?"

"Okay…" Avery trailed off in a disappointed tone as the two of them retreated towards the kitchen in obedience. As she watched, Ashley could tell that they were two very mindful and well-mannered girls and Spencer had certainly done an excellent job of raising them so far.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she then handed Ashley a glass of water and two aspirin. "They're at that age where everything is suddenly up for questioning."

Gulping down the pills gladly, Ashley then shook her head before replying, "No, it's okay. I don't mind at all."

"Let me see your face," Spencer said with concern as her gentle fingers slowly guided Ashley's chin to allow her a better view of the left side of her face, several small cuts accenting a rather bruised and swollen area. "We should probably get you some ice for that."

"Oh, no… It's okay I'm…"

"Really, it's not any trouble," she interrupted firmly before Ashley could further object, pulling her towards the kitchen by her arm. "I have an ice pack already prepared for you in the freezer. Let me just wrap it in a towel," she finished as they entered the kitchen to stop in front of the refrigerator. Spencer's hand let go of Ashley's arm to grab the towel on the counter as her other opened the freezer door and retrieved the pack from within, wrapping it up as the door then closed.

"Here you go," she said warmly as she held the pack up to Ashley's battered face, allowing her to grab the pack herself.

"Thanks," Ashley said as the doorbell suddenly echoed through the house.

"I'll get it," Avery proclaimed as she tore off in the direction of the door, her blonde curls bouncing wildly, eager to be able to do something very grown up. Allie only watched in curiosity as the minutes ticked by.

"Mommy," Avery's voice shouted back as Spencer began to make her way towards the front door, rolling her eyes with a smile towards Ashley. "There's two guys here with uniforms like Mama's…"

At that moment, both Spencer and Ashley could feel their nerves flutter as their hearts began to hammer away at their chest walls in anticipation as the possible reasons for this visit from the uniformed men ran through their minds. There really was only one, and they were both hoping against all logic that it would be anything else entirely.

Ashley slowly followed Spencer from the kitchen, but paused to watch the exchange through the front bay window as the storm door closed, echoing through the foyer loudly as Spencer addressed the two officers on the front porch. Their expressions were hardened and she knew in the very pit of her stomach that this visit was an unwelcomed one.

Suddenly, she felt two tiny hands grip onto her torn pant legs from either side as the three of them watched in curiosity, waiting for any sign that it was going to be okay. She could make out lips moving and time began to slow to an almost complete halt as her heart made its way into her head, pounding loudly and drowning out any and all sounds until she was left with the emptiest feeling in her chest. Her heart seemingly exploded inside of her as she saw Spencer slump into the officer's chest, crying out in disbelief and clutching his uniform as if it were the only ounce of consolation she would ever be able to find.

A thumping sound broke her from her thoughts as she glanced down and realized that her hand had slackened its grip and automatically dropped the ice pack to the floor in front of her, landing with a corner propped up on her booted foot. Her mouth opened as the dryness seeped in, threatening to strangle the life from her; but she needed to speak, to say anything to the small beings that were scrunching their brows in confusion. The two girls had no idea of the heartbreak in front of them. It took all of her might, but she finally managed to swallow the knot that had formed in her throat before kneeling down and turning them towards her.

Shakily, her voice made its way from her lips as she gripped their shoulders gently, forcing herself to remain calm and collected in front of them while uttering a small request, "Girls… why do… why don't you go upstairs and check on your baby sister? I'm sure she would love it… if… if you sang her a song right now."

"But what about Mommy?" Avery asked in a protective manner.

"Who are those guys?" Shyness and worry seeped from Allie's lips.

"Please," Ashley whispered calmly without ever once blinking her eyes as her bottom jaw began to quiver in fear. "Just go upstairs now."

"Oh alright," Avery pouted in her usual disappointment before grabbing her sister's hand and pulling her along. "Come on Allie, this is grown up stuff."

She then stood once more as her body began to tremble slightly, forcing her feet to move from their anchored position. She desperately needed to be on that porch at that moment, if only to be there for her sister-in-law. With one step and then two, she began inching her way closer to the front door as the trek felt like impossible miles, her clammy hands clenching in fists at her sides as she reached for the handle, turning and exiting the small foyer.

On the porch, Spencer's guttural sobs registered as the first sounds she'd heard since her heart had started its rhythm in her ears. Tears wasted no time in forming in her eyes as she forced her throat to gulp down its nerves. Walking the few steps out the door, she leaned back against the railing as her heart sank into the pit of her stomach, the look on the unoccupied officer's face informing her of the severity of the situation. Without much thought at all and feeling desperate to shake herself of the emptiness she'd been consumed by, she opened her shaky mouth to ask a question that was completely unnecessary by that point.

"You have news of my sister?" Her voice cracked as the emotions built up within her, already knowing the impending answer but still holding onto to the small sliver of hope that it would all be okay.

"We're very sorry to inform you, Ms. Davies," he began as he edged his way closer to lay a comforting hand upon her shoulder. "But Sgt. Kyla Davies' bunker was struck with a hand grenade. I'm afraid we couldn't get to her in time."

Sighing out the breath she'd been holding since her voice uttered its last word, Ashley felt everything inside of her collapse as the news of her only sister, her best friend in the entire world, her protector registered in her mind. From the corner of her eye she could see Spencer collapse even further into the officer from the weight of the heartbreak that had landed itself unjustly in her life, her cries echoing across the porch and hitting Ashley full force, causing her knees to buckle and her composure to be lost.

"No…" she whispered, barely audible to anyone else as she leaned back against the railing, drawing her knees to her chin and clutching tightly at her twisted curls, knowing that she was now alone in this world. Her sister, her lifelong savior and kindred spirit would never return to her. She would now be forced to move through this world unguided and alone, knowing there would be no one else to ever care as much for her and love her unconditionally. Everyone else despised her and saw her for what she was at heart, a bad seed. Kyla had been the only one to ever truly look past it all and see into her very soul, loving her in spite of her flaws. The only person in this world that loved her was gone.

Spencer barely managed to compose herself enough to release the officer and nod them off, watching them leave as their apologies fell on deaf ears. Like Ashley, she immediately dropped to her knees as the pain was much too heavy to stand under, her hand coming up to muffle the sobs of unmitigated power and wipe at her endless tears.

The echo of a sob tore its way through Ashley's thoughts, breaking her from her trance as she registered just how much pain had been laced within it. It was then that she averted her eyes towards its source, having been unable to form any kind of emotion other than shock by that point. Her wide eyes gazed upon the broken woman across the porch from her, hunched over and clutching her stomach with dirty blonde hair spilling out from a loose bun. Tears were falling freely, crashing to the wooden floor as her breathing became erratic and strained. It was the look of pure and utter heartbreak. She could feel her own heart break for her sister's family in that moment and suddenly something was much more important than her own grief. Ashley wasted no time in putting her own pain on the backburner and, for the first time in her life, putting someone else's needs ahead of her own.

She couldn't explain it.

Quickly she crossed the porch on her hands and knees, desperately needing to console the broken woman before her. She had just received news of losing her sister; but Spencer had lost her wife, the woman she had intended to spend the rest of her life with, her soul mate and the mother of her children. She reckoned that Spencer's pain was running much deeper than hers at the moment and would hurt much greater in the long run. She was completely unsure of how she was even able to rationalize this at a moment as hard as this one, but it felt in her heart to be the right thing to do. She could cry and mourn her sister after she made sure that sister's family would be okay. It was the least she could do after all Kyla had done for her. She would make it her prerogative to be there for them first and foremost.

In only a matter of mere seconds, Ashley's arms were sliding around the crouched woman, softly cradling her to her chest as her shaky hands smoothed over her hair, her mind searching for anything to do or say. But what was there to say? What could possibly make this moment hurt any less for her? She was so horrible at being there for anyone emotionally. She'd never really had to. All of her life she had remained at an arm's length to people, never really allowing them to get close with the exception of Kyla.

"She's…" Soft broken words left her lips as she shook in Ashley's surprisingly steady arms. "I… She…"

She could barely get her mind to form a coherent thought as her breathing increased and her pants became ragged and shallow, her head spinning from dizziness as she averted her gaze from one spot to the next, completely unsure of what to think or say. All she could do was lean into the warm envelope Ashley had created for her.

"I know… I know…" Ashley softly muttered with jagged breaths in response as a lone tear fell from her eye, her hands running their paths down a trembling back, hoping to transfer any kind of strength she could muster. She clenched her jaw and steeled herself, needing to remain strong for this family in their time of hardship. Kyla would want that of her. She would want her to make sure that Spencer was okay. To Kyla, her wife and family was everything; and Kyla had been everything to her.


	3. Chapter 2: Autopilot

Chapter Two:

Moments had passed that had seemed like hours and hours, each one longer than the last. She wasn't sure how long they had been sitting there on the hard porch floor with Spencer curled into her and her long arms surrounding her tightly, rubbing smooth circles on her back. Her mind was still wrestling with the news, trying and fighting to understand and wrap itself around it. Her eyes stared blankly out into the yard, their gaze locked on nothing in particular. She could feel that her mouth had gone dry long before as her breaths came out raggedly now. All she could manage to do as she leaned back against the house was think about her sister and so many memories from their childhood ran rampant through her mind, catapulting her back in time.

"_Come on Ashy," Kyla's confident voice demanded as they sat in their tree house one late spring night. "Don't be such a wuss."_

_Ashley sat with the bottle inches from her lips contemplating whether or not she should go through with it. She could tell that the contents were warm by now, having snuck them up there hours before just after their dinner clean up once their father had retired to the couch for a night of wrestling on cable. Every week he would do so and be occupied for hours._

"_I don't know Ky," Ashley's unsure voice said as the smell from the bottle made her snarl in response. "It smells really gross."_

"_It's because it's strong," she explained before gesturing for Ashley to get on with it._

_Nodding, Ashley then let go and quickly downed a big gulp, coughing immediately at the burning sensation that spread down her esophagus. _

_Laughing at the display, Kyla said with a bit of amusement, "I didn't say to drink it all in one go. You have to take it gradually until you're used to it."_

"_That's disgusting!" Ashley exclaimed as a bit of beer trickled down her chin, having been expelled from her mouth during her coughing fit. Her hand wasted no time in wiping herself free of it._

"_It's an acquired taste, a bit bitter at first but you get used to it," she stated simply as she took another swig, already half a bottle ahead of her twin._

"_You know if Dad finds out, we're grounded for life," Ashley offered before taking another drink, scowl firmly in place as she took it slower this time._

"_You and I are the only ones who know," Kyla reasoned as she shrugged off the possibility. "So how would he? Besides he hardly ever drinks them so I doubt he'll even notice the two gone. We'll put the empty ones in the back and by the time he gets to them in a week, we'll have thrown them away. He'll think he already drank them. You know he has a hard time keeping track of things."_

"_Yeah," Ashley wasted no time in agreeing as she swirled the contents around in the bottle. It was a habit she had developed with soda, always wanting it to go flat quickly because she hated the way the carbonation burned her throat. "He used to leave one of us every time we went to the grocery store."_

"_Yeah, he'd remember and when he'd go back inside searching for us, we'd be sitting by Mrs. Pullman who hated having to watch us," Kyla reminisced as she easily downed another sip, not even feeling the burn anymore. _

"_One time you guys even got clear home before he remembered me," Ashley thought with a sad smile as she glanced down at her feet. _

"_Yeah, we always liked messing with him so we never said anything," she replied with a smile at the thought of their father always chasing them around._

"_I just hope he doesn't find out about this," she said with a gesture to her now half empty bottle. Taking another swig, she noticed how the burning had subsided and now she was left with only a strong bitter taste. It still made her grimace a bit though._

"_Don't worry Ashy," Kyla reassured as she downed the last bit of her beer. "It was my idea, so my fault." She knew that her father was always a bit harder on Ashley for whatever reason, so she had no qualms about taking the blame for stuff. Besides, her grades were in better shape at the moment so she could afford to._

"_You don't have to," Ashley argued with a shake of her head. "I'm sitting here right beside you drinking them aren't I?"_

"_Yeah, but you know Dad," Kyla left the statement open as they neither one really discussed how he was towards Ashley._

"_I know," Ashley nodded as she looked down once more._

"_Anyway, it doesn't matter because he will never notice that we took them," she said with a proud gleam in her eye. "I mean look, we've had those playboys for weeks now."_

"_Yeah," she agreed with a chuckle. "I guess so."_

_A moment of silence fell upon them as Ashley took another gulp of her drink, feeling much more comfortable with the taste now. She thought over all they had been through and wondered why Kyla always took the fall when she didn't have to._

"_Why do you always stick up for me Ky?" She asked as her brown eyes sparkled in genuine interest._

"_You're my sister," Kyla replied simply as she tossed her bottle to the side, the glass clanking against the wood. "I always will."_

Having burned most of her bridges, she knew that no one would be there to stick up for her now. The only person who ever saw past all of her bullshit was now lost to her forever. Tears brimmed her eyes just waiting to spill out as she continued to stare out across the front lawn. She had many memories like that one and she allowed her eyes to close and momentarily savor them, knowing that there would be no more to make. Her sister was gone now and though she couldn't quite believe it, she knew that eventually it would take its toll on her.

A soft breath puffed against her neck and she averted her eyes downward to notice that Spencer had cried herself to sleep by that point, her forehead resting against Ashley's cheek and her hands firmly clutching at her strong arms. Ashley was never really good at comforting someone, but she figured she must've done something right for Spencer to have felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in her arms.

She could feel her heart break instantly as she thought that no matter how hard she tried, she could never be what her sister was to anyone. Not Spencer, not the girls, not her father… and certainly not the town in general. Kyla was a well touted hero around these parts and she cast a mighty big shadow, one which Ashley never really minded being in. She only figured that it took the focus off of her and for a while that was true. She had been able to fly under the radar and get herself mixed up in a lot of stupid things. However, now she knew that she couldn't afford to. Realization suddenly dawned on her that, for the first time in her life, she was needed. Kyla's family needed her and she would make damn certain she was there.

"Aunt Ashy?" Avery's brave little voice broke through her thoughts as she abruptly turned her head in surprise at the sudden sound, the use of her familiar nickname sending chills down her spine. No one but her sister had ever called her that before, and it had been a while since then.

"What's wrong with Mommy?" Allie's soft voice asked from her hesitant position behind her sister, her eyes scrunching in confusion.

"Umm…" Ashley's husky voice nervously began as her mind searched for a possible explanation, knowing that she was in no position to tell them the truth. "She's just tired; that's all. Wanna help me get her into bed?"

The two nodded their heads, happy to help their Mommy in any way as they moved closer to her.

In one swift motion, Ashley adjusted Spencer more comfortably and stood to her feet, having only struggled a tiny bit at first. She was stout and glad for it as she stood cradling Spencer to her and towering over the two girls.

"You're really strong," Avery observed with rapt fascination as she noticed her aunt pick her Mommy up with no trouble at all. Even their Mama had trouble sometimes; but she could tell that Ashley was taller than both of her mommies, so she must be stronger too.

"You're tall too," Allie added with the sweetest of smiles.

Ashley only managed a small smile in return as she shifted Spencer to get a firmer grasp. Gesturing for the screen door, she then asked, "Allie, will you open the door for us?"

Allie nodded with a proud smile, happy at having been picked to help. She wasted no time in bounding over to the front door and exclaiming, "Yeah, sure!"

"Shh ding dong, we have to be quiet," Avery chided before pointing at their sleeping mother. "You'll wake Mommy up."

Once Allie had managed to open the door, Ashley softly crossed the porch, mindful of her boots hitting the hardwood floor and careful to make it not echo as much. She could feel her heart beat faster at the possibility of waking Spencer and dealing with that, knowing it would be much better for her if she slept for a while. As she entered the foyer, she was also careful not to bang her sister-in-law against the door frame, maneuvering her in sideways.

"You wanna make sure the bed is ready?" She asked in a suggesting manner while the two girls once again nodded. She was glad that they were such well-mannered and well-minding girls otherwise this whole thing could prove to be a challenge for her.

The two padded their way across the hardwood floors, their sock feet slipping a bit in their haste as they rounded the corner and made the trek up the stairs. Ashley could hear each and every footstep, but she didn't think it would be enough to wake Spencer. They were quite small and their socks managed to lessen the sounds for the most part.

Her own feet then propelled the two of them in the direction of the stairs, crossing the living room and down the hall adjacent to the kitchen. Once there, she proceeded in taking them one at time as her long legs were having no trouble at all as she glided them along up the stairs. She was glad for the carpet on the stairs and, once at the top, she noticed that it carried on through the second floor. Surely her boots would have been quite loud without it.

As she came to a stop at the top step, unsure of which room was the master, the twins suddenly appeared at the end of the hallway and quickly approached her.

"We pulled the covers down Aunt Ashy," Allie proudly confessed as they looked at her for further instruction.

"Is it the last room?" She asked them, gesturing in the direction.

"Yeah, follow me," Avery demanded as her hand waved them on in the right direction. She had decided to take the lead and was becoming quite comfortable around their strange aunt.

Ashley nodded as she followed suit behind the two girls, watching fondly as their blonde curls bounced with each step. She briefly wondered where their curly hair had come from as both of their mothers had straight hair. She then reasoned it had to have been the donor's genes.

As they made their way down the hall, her eyes caught several photos staring back that were framed and hanging, spread out in a proud display. In each one you could see just how happy the little family was, smiling and carrying on with laughter and love. In several, Kyla stared back lovingly to the photographer, which Ashley guessed had to have been Spencer, as she proudly played with her daughters. There was a certain gleam in her sister's eyes in each shot and it occurred to her just how much she had enjoyed her life and loved her family. What had they done to deserve any of this?

Tears once again formed in her eyes as she lacked the strength to hold them back, allowing one to trickle down and land on her cheek. She wasted no time in wiping it off with her shoulder as she fought to maintain her composure and not awaken Spencer. She could and would not allow herself to fall apart at the seams; there was too much relying on her at the moment and she needed to stay strong for them.

Once inside the master bedroom, she took notice of just how warm and cozy it was. More pictures were displayed on the walls but mostly of the girls alone, some of them as babies crying and others of them at birthdays and Christmas. At the head of the bed on the wall was a large photo of a very pregnant belly with two large sets of hands resting upon it. She quickly averted her gaze as the longer she looked, the more she would feel like crumbling.

Walking around to one side of the bed, a side she hoped was Spencer's, she carefully and slowly set the sleeping woman down on her side, cradling her head as her fingers lost themselves in blonde locks. Gently, she pulled the hair tie from her hair as she rested her head against the soft downy pillow and extracted her fingers with care. The entire time, her hands remained steady and gentle as to not wake her. Surely nothing good could come from that. It was best to let her sleep for a while and deal with the mess of her life later.

Ashley had never really been a good friend to anyone, so caring for a person in this manner was a completely new experience for her. Usually, she just used people for all she needed and when they needed her, she just checked out and pawned them off on someone else. Thinking back on this, she shook her head with anger towards herself, knowing how selfish of person she'd always been. But with Kyla gone now, she needed to be something different entirely, for at the very least to be able to be someone her sister would be proud of.

Pushing her thoughts back, she reached her slender hands down to begin untying Spencer's white Sketchers. She guessed it would be much more comfortable for her without the confines of her shoes. Slowly, she worked the laces loose one by one until she had the shoes open enough to remove them with ease. One and then the other slipped free from her small feet as she then discarded them softly to the floor beside the bed, careful not to make too much noise.

The twins watched in curiosity from the foot of the bed as their aunt slowly began to tuck their mother's feet in, pulling the blanket up slowly across her legs and then body. They could tell from the look on Ashley's face to the tear-stained cheeks of their Mommy that something just wasn't right.

"Is Mommy sick?" Allie asked in a whisper of concern, her tiny face contorting in worry.

Ashley's head shot up from her task at hand, her brown eyes meeting two sets of worried blue ones to notice the two girls staring at her in desperate need of answers, their faces peeking over the foot board as they watched. Her heart began to beat faster again as she realized that she was at a loss as to how she should deal with the situation. She knew without a doubt that she couldn't and shouldn't be the one to tell them the news of their mother. That was something that they would need Spencer to tell them as surely she would be able to find the right words to say.

"Umm…" Her nervous voice uttered softly as her mind searched for any possible thing to say.

However, just as she was about to string some sort of statement together, a baby's shrill cry echoed throughout the upstairs. She released a sigh of thanks at the welcome interruption before a look of pure horror covered her features. It was then that she remembered that there was another one, a much smaller and less independent one. Never in her life had she been in contact with a baby, and yet she knew that she would be forced to care for the little one once she was done with Spencer. Looking to the twins for any signs of reassurance, she had no need to ask them before Avery spoke up.

"Don't worry; we'll go check on her," she whispered as she gestured for her sister to follow. "Come on Allie."

"Thanks," Ashley whispered back with a rather scared expression still marring her features.

Turning back to the task at hand, she continued to pull covers up slowly as she pooled them around her shoulders, wanting to be sure that Spencer would be warm enough. As she tucked the blankets, she glanced upon her sister-in-law as she stirred for a moment, causing Ashley to freeze with her heart pounding in anticipation. Was she going to wake up and see her standing there? Would she be angry with her for being in her bedroom?

Her entire body went rigid as she remained unmoving, praying for Spencer to remain asleep. Her hands stilled their movements as her eyes closed and her breathing halted. She could almost hear a pin drop at how quiet the room became as she wished for the courage to open her eyes. She was fearful that once she did, disappointed blue eyes would be staring back at her. That she would not be able to face.

"Kyla?" Spencer's groggy voice whispered out softly as her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her eyes remaining closed as she was still held captive by her slumber.

Hesitantly Ashley opened one eye, noticing with relief that Spencer seemingly hadn't woken up. Instead the sleeping woman had only grasped one of her hands and pulled her closer in an attempt to cuddle up to her. This act caught Ashley completely off guard as her eyes widened in horror and she was pulled in. A moment or so passed as she searched her mind for a way out of this without waking the poor woman.

"Shh, go back to sleep," Ashley whispered as she awkwardly attempted to keep her distance.

Satisfied with hearing a voice much like her wife's, Spencer then murmured a sigh of contentment before slackening her grip and drifting off deeper once more.

With a sigh of relief, Ashley extracted herself from the sleeping woman and immediately bolted upright to a more comfortable distance, swallowing in relief as she managed to dodge a bullet just then. With one last look over Spencer's sleeping form, she reasoned that she had done the best she could have to make her as comfortable as possible. Nodding sullenly, she turned to exit the room only to be surprised by the eerily quiet watchers she noticed standing in the doorway. Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion as she wondered just what the mysterious look on their small faces meant.

"Katy-bug made a mess in her diaper," Allie was uncharacteristically the first to speak up, cutting straight to the point.

"Yeah, and it smells awful," Avery then added with a dramatic wave of her tiny hand in front of her snarled nose, chuckling as she watched her aunt's dark eyes widen.

"Right," she said deeply as her eyes closed in disappointment. "So that means I have to change it huh?" Ashley's head immediately hung down as she sighed, trying to gather up the courage to accomplish the next task she had been given.

They only nodded with their wide blue eyes looking at her with the blankest of expressions.

"You are the adult," Avery said as a matter of fact as her attitude made itself know.

With a reluctant smile, Ashley nodded her head and decided to just go with it.

"So uhh… where is she at?" She questioned with a nervous scratch to her head as she made her way towards the door, exiting into the hallway and softly pulling the door shut behind her.

"Her room is this way," Avery directed as the two of them began the march down the hallway and back towards the stairs.

Ashley paused for a moment and watched as they turned right and entered the room nearest to the stairs. She closed her eyes to mentally prepare herself for the task before allowing her feet to move in the intended direction. After a few steps, her eyes opened and she resumed her breathing, her hands clenched in nervous fists at her sides. As she made her way closer to the door, she turned her head to the left, regretting it the moment her eyes landed on another photo.

In this one, her smiling sister was pictured with her arms extended into the air, laughing or about to laugh as she held a tiny baby in her arms, seemingly twirling her around in circles. The baby's face was a look of pure astonishment as her wide eyes focused on those of her mother's. Ashley guessed that they were enjoying a warm and sunny day at the park in that photo, the family spending precious time together. Her eyes traveled down her sister's body to catch sight of the twins laughing and carrying on at her feet, both of them looking up at their baby sister.

She felt the tears build up once again as they made their way past her eyelids, having been unable to stop them. She wasted no time in looking to the ceiling to prevent further ones from betraying her, shaky hands rising to wipe her cheeks free of the moisture. Her eyes blinked back the tears that threatened to fall as she wished with all she had that she could give them that day back. Closing her eyes, she sent up a silent prayer for the strength to hold it together. Her brows scrunched tightly as she took a moment to calm her emotions.

Upon opening her eyes, she turned back to the photograph and with a firm jaw, she muttered, "I'm trying so hard Ky. I promise you that."

Without another moment's thought, she made her way to the doorway. Upon entering, she paused as her eyes took in the pastel color scheme, soft greens and blues mixing with yellows and reds. She could tell that the room would work for either gender; but the accessories were decked out in faint purples and pinks, fitting for the little girl that took up residence in there. Her eyes then landed on the beautiful mobile that hung from the ceiling. She could tell it had been handcrafted, made of hand-blown stained glass that reflected a vast array of color as light passed through it. She thought of how enchanting it must be to look up and see so many colors swirling around the room. A sudden outburst of cries broke her from her thoughts as she looked down. It was then that her eyes landed on the honey chestnut crib that was flanked by the twins staring at her in curiosity.

"She's a loud one ain't she?" Avery said with a snarky smile.

"_Isn't _she… you know Mommy says that ain't isn't a word," sweet Allie corrected as she looked at her smirking sister.

"Means the same to me," she replied with a defiant shrug as she turned to approach her aunt, crossing the floor to stand in front of her. "Come on," she sighed as she took Ashley's big hand in her small one and pulled her towards the source of the cries.

Ashley relented and allowed herself to be directed as she figured she wouldn't have the courage to move on her own. The closer she came to the baby, the faster her heart beat and the shakier her hands became. She could feel her breaths coming in shallow pants, so she began inhaling deeper and slower to calm her nerves. Once Avery let go of her hand, she noticed that she was standing directly in front of the crib and she moved her eyes down to take in the disgruntled form of her youngest niece.

Little Katy was a mess of blankets and flailing limbs as she cried, her tiny face contorted in discomfort and reddening by the second.

Ashley steeled herself to ward off her nerves as her shaky hands began clenching and unclenching in tight fists as they hung at her side. Mentally, she cheered herself on and forced her arms to slowly rise. Trying several times to bring them closer to the baby, she found herself pulling back hesitantly a few times in fear of being too harmful. With a deep breath, she clenched her jaw and abruptly thrust her hands into the crib, shocking little Katy into silence. Once she was confident that she had a firm grasp of the baby, she began to slowly raise her up and out, allowing her muscles to adjust to the weight of the tiny form. She watched with wide eyes as tiny legs curled up and small fists moved about. This was a day of many firsts for her, her first conversations with her nieces, the first time she'd taken care of anyone, and now the first time she'd held a baby. To say that she was frightened was an understatement and it was made obvious by her less than confident expression, jaw slightly open and eyes wide and unblinking. Once she had little Katy out of the crib and at eye level, she held her at arm's length with her elbows straight as she made eye contact with the tiniest blue eyes she'd ever seen.

Or they were tiny, until Katy's eyes widened in curiosity and surprise as she took in the appearance of the strange person who was holding her up so high. She wasn't sure what to think about it as usually she was held much closer and by someone with brighter hair. It was enough to cause her to freeze all motion as her tears stopped.

Seeing the almost frightened look on the baby's face caused Ashley to freeze as well. Had she hurt her?

Standing beside them, Avery reached her little hand up to wave at her sister, smiling and saying in a soft voice, "Hey there Katy-bug. This is Aunt Ashy. She stayed with us last night."

"So…" Ashley began without ever taking her eyes off of the baby's, unsure really of what she was supposed to do next. "I just… set her on that table thingy over there?"

Allie shrugged before answering, "If you want to. Mommy never uses it though."

Slowly, almost robotically, Ashley turned without ever bending her elbows, keeping the baby suspended in the air as far away from her as possible and moving in the direction of the changing table. The twins scurried out of her way and each grabbed a stool that was there especially for them to be able to see into the crib. After only about three steps, Ashley paused in front of the changing table on the wall adjacent to the crib and again continued to hold the baby high above.

"Okay, umm…" She said mostly to herself as she began to slowly lower the baby towards the surface of the changing table, pausing a mere inch or so above it with the baby's feet barely making contact.

"You never done this before have you?" Avery asked as she climbed up on her stool to stand to the left of Ashley.

"Never," Ashley sighed out nervously, barely above a deep whisper with her eyes still not leaving the tiny baby. It was as though she felt that if she broke eye contact, then it would all go downhill from there.

"Well Mama says to always cradle the head," Allie offered as she pulled her stool around to the right of Ashley, climbing up on it and ready to help. As she noticed Ashley not moving, she made eye contact with her twin and they both gave a look of understanding that said they knew their help would actually be needed this time.

"Ok, so…" Ashley said as she gently set the baby down on her bottom, still keeping her hands firmly under tiny arms.

Katy only wiggled a bit at first, instinctually trying to sit up on her own even though she didn't have to with her eyes widening even more as her forehead scrunched. Grunting, she then stuck her tongue out as she blew tiny bubbles.

Carefully, Ashley then shifted her big hands around to the back of her head and eased her backwards onto the small pillow that was waiting to be used. Her long fingers brushed the soft tiny hairs at the crown of her head. Once she was confident that the baby was securely in place, she proceeded to pull her hands from underneath, popping her fingers nervously as she moved them towards the snaps on the onesie. Hesitantly and as though it would burn her, she reached her thumb and pointer finger down to the first snap and just barely latched on, popping it free. Four more pops followed as she undid the bottom and peeled it away from the baby, exposing the diaper. However, once she had done so, the smell from within wafted up to her nostrils causing her stomach to turn and her anxiety to increase.

"I told you it was smelly," Avery giggled as she saw her aunt grimace, scrunching her face in anguish.

Ignoring the comment and trying to ignore the smell, Ashley then turned the top part of the onesie up to expose a tiny little belly, her fingers moving to the edge of the diaper and grasping each side firmly. With a sudden jerk, the baby slid closer to her with wider eyes and an expression of shock as Ashley failed to succeed in pulling the diaper off.

"Silly," Allie managed to say through an amused chuckle. "You have to pull the flaps first." And so she demonstrated, pulling the left flap loose as Avery pulled the right.

Ashley watched in horror as the diaper sprang open, her eyes widening as they fell upon the gooey green contents. Never in her life had she seen such an atrocity. In that instant, she felt the ill sensation in her stomach multiply exponentially as her head started to spin. Small white dots appeared in front of her face, masking everything she could see. As her mouth became increasingly dry, she took a much needed step back before falling to the floor in an unconscious heap.

Having only been out for a few minutes, she awoke to a tiny finger poking her cheek on the uninjured side of her face. Her eyelids fluttered several times before gradually opening as she took in the haziness all around her. There, hovering above her was a head of blonde curls with a look of pure shock.

"Are you sick too?" Avery wasted no time in asking as Ashley lie sprawled on the floor with heavy eyes and pale skin.

"I just… need a minute," She barely muttered out as she fought for the strength to sit upright, accomplishing it but not without difficulty. She slowly raised her shaky hand to wipe at the moisture that had accumulated on her brow, blinking her eyes to rid them of the fog.

"Maybe we should get Mommy," Allie suggested in a rather worried voice as she remained standing upon her stool in careful watch over her baby sister, making sure she didn't have the chance to fall to the floor with their aunt.

"No!" Ashley exclaimed quite loudly as she sprang to her feet, suddenly remembering why she was on the floor and what she had to do. Waking Spencer was not an option; but she was obviously not cut out for the job either. Glancing down to Avery, she noticed the almost scared expression as she realized that she had just yelled. "Sorry… I mean… Your Mommy needs her rest right now."

They nodded as Allie's attention turned back to Katy who was still squirming in discomfort at still having the soiled diaper attached to her.

"What are you gonna do Aunt Ashy?" Allie asked as she tried to calm her baby sister, offering her tiny hand to even tinier ones which latched on immediately.

"Umm…"

That was a good question. Ashley furrowed her brows in thought, searching for any possible solution as she remained a safe distance away from the rather toxic diaper. What was she going to do? She'd never been in a situation even remotely close to this one before. If it were any other family or anyone else, she would've just bailed in classic Ashley Davies fashion; but as it stood, these were her sister's children and she couldn't abandon them even if she'd wanted to. Looking up from her point of focus on the floor, she glanced to the two girls.

"You okay here for a minute?"

They nodded in unison as Avery climbed back onto her stool to help her sister out with the baby watch.

"Good. I'm just gonna go… call a friend," Ashley nodded back as her face turned to a look of complete uncertainty. As she retreated to exit the room, she paused in the doorway to glance back, adding with pleading eyes, "Don't move." Her hands came up to motion for them to stay put as she then turned and rushed down the hall and down the stairs, panic settling itself in her stomach.

Back in the bedroom, baby Katy lay sprawled on the changing table as Avery and Allie gave one another a look of bewilderment.

"She sure is a strange adult," Avery said with a small smirk to which Allie only nodded in agreement.

* * *

Emerging from the house in a fury of panic, Ashley wasted no time in frantically pacing back and forth on the front porch, her mind endlessly searching for any possible solution to their current predicament. Her boots with their thumping against the hardwood had gone almost unheard by her as she was all too preoccupied with her own doubts and fears seeping in, daring her to run away. Maybe she wasn't cut out for this sort of thing after all. Helping Spencer was one thing, but three little ones that needed much more than she had ever known how to provide was in a whole other ballpark, and she was almost certain she would screw it up at any moment.

"Fuck…" she half whispered to herself as she brought her hands up to clutch at her hair, white-knuckling as her mind began spinning with all sorts of reasons why she was certainly the last person they needed right now.

_Run away now Ashley. _

It repeated on a loop in her head.

She could barely keep herself upright and taken care of on most days, and the ones where she did were absolute miracles to say the least. She had always been a train wreck and now was no exception. What made her think that she would be any different today?

Of course she needed to call someone and right away, but whom? She had no numbers. She had no friends and it was making her absolutely sick to think that poor little Katy needed something that she was just too domestically retarded to provide, nurturing and care. She had momentarily felt a flash of confidence that she could handle this situation and let Spencer have time to rest up before she would be painfully thrust into the awful situation of dealing with the aftermath. However, this whole thing was something Ashley herself had never had any practice with.

Suddenly it occurred to her that just last night Spencer's neighbor lady had been over to watch the girls while she had driven to pick her up.

Stopping in her tracks and approaching the side banister, she quickly turned her head to the right and glanced in the direction of their house at almost the same exact moment that their car had begun to back out of the driveway. Her heart immediately sank as she saw the only option she'd been able to conjure gearing up to leave her grasp.

Without wasting a moment, her hands clutched at the railing and she catapulted herself over, landing with ease on the grass below, her throbbing feet making quick work to move her towards them and ignoring their cry of pain. It had been a pretty far drop.

As she rounded the side of the house to head in their direction, she saw them momentarily stop and acknowledge her for a mere moment; but just before she could thrust her hand upward to wave to them, her right boot stubbed itself against a surfaced root from the large oak that stood prominently in the Davies' front yard with its tire swing hanging proudly from a high branch. It was almost immediately afterwards that her face planted itself in the grass and the car drove off, leaving her to think of something else.

"Dammit!" She exclaimed pounding the ground with her right hand as she pushed herself up with only her pride injured and her solution gone. "Goddammit!"

She stood back to her feet and turned back towards her sister's house, as angry as could be and swiftly kicking the root as she went. What the hell was she to do now?

"Fuck," she said a bit loudly as her jaw clenched in anger and she rounded the porch, reaching the front steps and taking them two at a time as she wiped her pants and hands of loose grass. It was then she glanced up, seeing Avery standing in the doorway, storm door ajar as she came to stand in front of her.

"Are you okay, Ashy?" Avery asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she barely answered back.

"You said 'fuck'," she then added in a whisper.

Ashley's eyes widened that moment as she feared she had let the child in on a new, rather naughty word. "Yeah, um…"

"It's okay," Avery smiled. "I won't tell. Mommy hates that word, especially when Mama uses it." She giggled and Ashley's heart rate slowed.

"Well, I was angry," she reasoned as they both entered the house, the echo of the storm door slamming behind them.

Ashley then stopped for a minute to gather her thoughts and figure this all out, her hand coming up to scratch in contemplation at the crown of her head. Surely there was someone she could call for help. She wasn't sure attempting it again herself was the best idea considered it had rendered her unconscious the last time. Her eyes glanced around without really focusing on anything in particular, only to search her mind and it wasn't but a moment later that they landed on a curly head and made their way down a tiny face, running over almost every feature.

As Avery stood there smiling up at her warmly, she could feel her heart shatter into a million pieces. Her little brown eyes held so much of her own lost sister that her angry expression immediately softened and she was able to breathe a bit easier. She just had to be strong and figure this all out; someone needed her to. Four someones to be exact.

"Did you call your friend?" Avery asked softly as she glanced up in wide-eyed anticipation.

Sighing, Ashley closed her eyes for a split second before opening them and replying equally soft, "I have no friends."

"Well I'll be your friend, Ashy," Avery smiled proudly as she took Ashley's hand in her own as a small smile hesitantly made its way to the corner of Ashley's mouth. "And Allie will too, I'm sure… even little Katy-bug, but she needs a new diaper first."

"Right…" Ashley's small lopsided smile disappeared as another sigh ran through her chest. She had to figure this out, if only for the tiny brown eyes that reminded her so much of her dear sister.


End file.
